We are all in the gutter,but some of us are looking at the stars.--oscar wilde

Well, this is just getting to be a habit.
Me disapearing ::poof::gone::
Sadness dropping in unannounced.

With a suddenness of a flash flood ...
not a word to anyone because I couldn't.
And I am sorry.

My heart is having troubles wrapping itself around the things of late. In the past year much has happened. I thought my heart would stop beating more than once from sadness. First my beloved four-legged constant companion, then my best human friend passed away & only weeks after him, his corgi died too leaving a hole in my life the size of the moon to become the size of the universe. Three losses of such magnitude in six-weeks took a toll. Other things happening concurrently made me feel helpless to stop The sisters Fate from crushing me.

Then summer held for me happiness (I got my ::wish::), however unmeasurable sadness came along (that precious puppy died in my arms), then the greatest ::EVER:: of ::JOY:: (the fae saw fit to bestow to me another puppers) and I was lifted to cloud nine. I felt hope return. But there was so much more happening in my life. All in all it was a rollercoaster year and a half of emotion and it has pulled at my heart until it is unable to cope with more. I am raw.

Now yet again something unpleasant has occured and I am trying to gain my composure and stay in the glow of starlight ... fighting the urge to simply curl up under the trees and hide in the shadows.

Without going into details, of which you do not wish to hear (trust me) I am having to do something I suppose should be expected, but still it comes as an unpleasant shock to me as I truly wanted to believe the day would never come. Something I do not wish to be the one to do involving an elderly parent. It must be done. And worse yet, I may likely break a promise when doing so. It is tearing me up even though I am aware of no other better choice.

So as I gather the lose ends of my life and tie them together again, I beg of you to understand. The computer has sat quietly, screen dark waiting for my return. Packages have arrived (and I know they are filled to popping with magic) yet they sit on the table unopened. I look towards them but cannot bring myself to take the steps over and unwrap even one. Emails sent to me are in the gazillions, all unanswered less even opened yet. I am finding posting hard. I don't want to be negative. So I stay away not knowing what to say or how to say it. I want to be here but happy things seem far away sometimes. I am finding I need time to heal. I am in the shadows watching the light just beyond.

Soon I will be here with a smile at my fingertips & stories to share. I believe the shadows will be overtaken by light. I promise to reach for it. Oh I will tell you of my beautiful puppers. She can make a spirit soar with the most soulful eyes ever given to a corgi. It is nearly her birthday ... Perhaps a party? I know she will invite you each and every one. I will also tell you of my corgyn boy that now dances every day with faeries. Watch the sidebar for his story. Bring tissues.

For those I was in the midst of sending treasures & notes, they are not forgotten. Even though it has been seemingly forever and you must feel lost of hope ... It is bothering me too that things are not done. I just can't seem to find a way to keep myself in a gear moving forward faster than very s l o w if that. I feel like my feet are in deep mud and every movement is made with such great effort I am unsure if I can continue without rest. I get done so little as of late. I don't know how else to explain. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders presently.

.:: how many robins can you spy? ::.

Spring is here bursting at the seams and calling to me. For those that have followed my blog along for a while, you know what that means for me. Pure bliss. I immerse myself in my gardens and the moments spent there become perfect moments. The timing could not be better. I need this now.

In my studio, another refuge, I find myself staring up at the glittering silver stars which hang from the high ceiling. Along the ceiling edge I wrote a favorite Oscar Wilde quote that reminds that we are all in the same boat. We all have problems but some of us choose to look at the bright side; To be grateful for what we have & think positively. We can chose to not dwell on the negative and be happy with what we have now. We can choose to see the brightness of the universe.

"...some of us are looking at the stars."

Yep Yep Yep.
I will keep looking up at the stars!
All will be better soon. It will.

missing you.
=^..^= love, zU

Comments

[miss*R]

thinking of you dear Zuzu & wrapping you in my faery wings, sprinkling love & peace dust from my magick bowl and sending trillions of heart warming hugs to you xoxo

[miss*R]

Oh and I had a year like this, last year... it just about broke my spirit but with the love of my faery blogging friends, I survived. Know that you are loved dear Zuzu.. xoxo
the faeries will surely lift you up... just close your eyes and whisper that you need help xo

[Julie Fredericksen]

Hi, Zuzu,

We've never met, but I understand you got my name in Robyn's fairy swap. Don't worry yourself for a moment about getting something mailed to me. It's time to take care of yourself and let the unimportant things fall by the wayside.

I am so sorry about your dogs. It just about broke my heart to read about the puppy. My husband and I have had to put three dogs to sleep in our 35 years of marriage. I am great dog lover - I even love the two rowdies we have now.

I, too, have gone through some really terrible times, including losing my job twice in the past year. Like Robyn, I have been helped through it with the support of my blogging friends. They have made me see that I am a valuable, talented person and that I have worth. You sound like a wonderful person and I hope that soon you can put these bad times behind you.

P. S. At least you have spring. It snowed in Bismarck yesterday. It melted today and the dogs dragged in so much mud I wanted to bawl.

Julie Fredericksen

[sepia art studio]

i miss you my dear friend greatly, but somehow i sensed that something is not right with you.
i hope that faeries will light your way...
i feel sad, when you feel sad. i very much hope and wish from the faery grandmother to grand you something good.
my thoughts are with you.

delila

[Pherenike]

I am glad you know your light will return. Just hold on to that and you will survive. Best wishes.

[Tracy]

Dearest Zuzu - I'm so sorry for all of your heartaches. May your light shine once again as Spring bursts forth in technicolor...

[Angie]

Oh God, Zu, this post just absolutely tugged the tears right out of me, and my heart aches for you! Ech, I'm no good with words in a time like this...and yet each of us will have our times in the depths...but I hear your heart and soul...and mine awaits the light in yours... "Always Blessings...Never Losses" (And I can't wait to see a picture of your new 'sweetness'!!!

[Deborah]

My dear...take time to return to yourself. This is not just a 'rough patch' and forget that "everyone goes through it". For this is YOUR 'tribulation' and you must deal with it and grieve over it in your OWN time. I've had to find that out for myself.

I have mine, you have yours, they have theirs...we each have our own problems and nearly all of us overcome to smile again. ...and I know you will because you have a magical quality about you that must give you strength.

Consider yourself wrapped in warm hugs and good thoughts.
xoxoxo,
Deborah

[Cookie Sunshine]

I'm making the rounds and saying "hello" to my fellow OWOH bloggers. It's nice to peruse and catch up with eveyone now that the rush is over. I really like your blog a great deal.

Sending good wishes for a wonderful week.

Cookie

[Margarita]

Hi My ZuZu:

Ther is always a light at the end of the tunel.

I have many thing to tell you but the most important is that I am pregnant, can you imagen? I'll be 45 in March, but I am soooo Happy.

I'll talk to you later.

I love you and miss you

Oh I count 12 birds on the tree.

[Shell]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Life can be challenging!! With everything going bad, now is the time to plan little bright spots in your day. Events, music, movies, clothes, food that makes your heart soar. This is what helps me get through rough times.
I love your blog. You take all the time you need. We will be here waiting.

Hugs& Kisses,
Shell

[Carrie West]

OH hello sweet zuzu, I have been worried deeply about you. I sensed something was wrong. I too am having troubles as you are. I can't seem to post a blog entry or do anything. I have even packed up my little studio and have left art and the art of homemaking. I feel crushed. So, I do know what you may be feeling and if I can do ANYTHING for you please let me know!!!!~
You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

[kim]

sweet girl~
anything i can do..just say it!!
xox

[Sandra]

Sending you good thoughts...
Sandra Evertson

[Art Tea Life]

You have CERTAINLY been on A Roll...I will be thinking of you. Can only imagine the worry with your parent and this type of decision. You must be numb.

Thank You for The Robins and Sweet Alyssum.

Yes definitely go out into the garden and get deep in the dirt and find your anchor again.

[Rella]

Oh Dear One.....I so hoped (while fighting the fear that something was wrong) that you were just lost in the wonder of your garden and your special critters. But now, we who gather waiting for our friend to return, read that you have trial upon trial. If I can do anything at all....anything...you only need speak of it or write of it. Use whatever energy you have to keep yourself well. We will always be here.

Much love xoxox Rella

[Silvia / Salix]

*hugs* to you, dear friend, and take all the time you need. Loosing someone is not easy. I'll be thinking of you.
With love, Silvia

[Boxwood Cottage]

Oh dear ZuZu I so feel for you and all your losses and then bringing a parent to the elderly home ( at least I think that is what you have to do) must be a very hard thing to do, I cannot imagine having to to this one day *sigh* But I'm glad to read that you got another puppy dog because I remember how deep you wished for it! And yes it's spring, everything is growing new and your heart will heal, your garden and all your sweet animal friends will help you feel better too I'm sure!

Here is sending you lots of hugs, positive thoughts and best wishes from Boxwood Cottage

"Auntie" Carol xox

P.S. I think I spy at least 16 robins in that tree, if some of those red spots aren't squirrels that is. How fabulous!!