Well, this is just getting to be a habit.
Me disapearing ::poof::gone::
Sadness dropping in unannounced.
With a suddenness of a flash flood ...
not a word to anyone because I couldn't.
And I am sorry.
My heart is having troubles wrapping itself around the things of late. In the past year much has happened. I thought my heart would stop beating more than once from sadness. First my beloved four-legged constant companion, then my best human friend passed away & only weeks after him, his corgi died too leaving a hole in my life the size of the moon to become the size of the universe. Three losses of such magnitude in six-weeks took a toll. Other things happening concurrently made me feel helpless to stop The sisters Fate from crushing me.
Then summer held for me happiness (I got my ::wish::), however unmeasurable sadness came along (that precious puppy died in my arms), then the greatest ::EVER:: of ::JOY:: (the fae saw fit to bestow to me another puppers) and I was lifted to cloud nine. I felt hope return. But there was so much more happening in my life. All in all it was a rollercoaster year and a half of emotion and it has pulled at my heart until it is unable to cope with more. I am raw.
Now yet again something unpleasant has occured and I am trying to gain my composure and stay in the glow of starlight ... fighting the urge to simply curl up under the trees and hide in the shadows.
Without going into details, of which you do not wish to hear (trust me) I am having to do something I suppose should be expected, but still it comes as an unpleasant shock to me as I truly wanted to believe the day would never come. Something I do not wish to be the one to do involving an elderly parent. It must be done. And worse yet, I may likely break a promise when doing so. It is tearing me up even though I am aware of no other better choice.
So as I gather the lose ends of my life and tie them together again, I beg of you to understand. The computer has sat quietly, screen dark waiting for my return. Packages have arrived (and I know they are filled to popping with magic) yet they sit on the table unopened. I look towards them but cannot bring myself to take the steps over and unwrap even one. Emails sent to me are in the gazillions, all unanswered less even opened yet. I am finding posting hard. I don't want to be negative. So I stay away not knowing what to say or how to say it. I want to be here but happy things seem far away sometimes. I am finding I need time to heal. I am in the shadows watching the light just beyond.
Soon I will be here with a smile at my fingertips & stories to share. I believe the shadows will be overtaken by light. I promise to reach for it. Oh I will tell you of my beautiful puppers. She can make a spirit soar with the most soulful eyes ever given to a corgi. It is nearly her birthday ... Perhaps a party? I know she will invite you each and every one. I will also tell you of my corgyn boy that now dances every day with faeries. Watch the sidebar for his story. Bring tissues.
For those I was in the midst of sending treasures & notes, they are not forgotten. Even though it has been seemingly forever and you must feel lost of hope ... It is bothering me too that things are not done. I just can't seem to find a way to keep myself in a gear moving forward faster than very s l o w if that. I feel like my feet are in deep mud and every movement is made with such great effort I am unsure if I can continue without rest. I get done so little as of late. I don't know how else to explain. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders presently.
.:: how many robins can you spy? ::.
Spring is here bursting at the seams and calling to me. For those that have followed my blog along for a while, you know what that means for me. Pure bliss. I immerse myself in my gardens and the moments spent there become perfect moments. The timing could not be better. I need this now.
In my studio, another refuge, I find myself staring up at the glittering silver stars which hang from the high ceiling. Along the ceiling edge I wrote a favorite Oscar Wilde quote that reminds that we are all in the same boat. We all have problems but some of us choose to look at the bright side; To be grateful for what we have & think positively. We can chose to not dwell on the negative and be happy with what we have now. We can choose to see the brightness of the universe.
"...some of us are looking at the stars."
Yep Yep Yep.
I will keep looking up at the stars!
All will be better soon. It will.
missing you.
=^..^= love, zU
I have never forgotten those pages. I cannot even keep count how many friends wrote to me, called and pointed out this article in Victoria.
And indeed I had. I had worn the pages thin from handling them. Another was building for the fae ... There was someone else out there that believed. Perhaps my hours spent playing in nature, collecting tiny seeds and shells, making minute teasets and stacking rocks, recording little stories of what only I had seen ... was not so strange if there were others ...
Or perhaps it was. But alas, I know I am not alone in following the faeries now.
Pop on by Debbie's and say hello.
